Friday, March 2, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
saying goodbye.
Saying goodbye is what I would have to say was the hardest part about the entire process. It was very drawn out, since I lived at least an hour away from most of my friends and family, which ended up helping me out in the end. We started saying goodbye to people a few weeks before we moved.
The majoirty of Zach's family live in a small town in Pennsylvania, which we drove to quite a few times during the past year. In the middle/end of August, we all planned to get together for a sort-of family reunion so that everyone culd be together to say goodbye. It actually ended up being a really nice time, despite the fact that the day started out raining. We all met at this campground/lake sort of place where we made hot dogs and hamburgers and had a picnic. It rained on and off the whole time we were eating, and then finally stopped once we were done. A bunch of the family, mostly the kids, went down and started playing some volleyball and then eventually the rest of the family joined to go down by the lake and go kayaking. Afterwords we all went back up to our picnic area and sat and talked for a while and took pictures until it was time to leave. It was a pretty awesome dynamic to be able to be there with everyone and have such a great time. We said goodbye to the majority of the people there and then went on to visit Zach's grandparents. I think that they were actually the hardest people to say goodbye to, by far. We had spent the weekend with one of his grandparents and stayed up the whole night, both nights, just playing cards. When we left, I lost it and started crying on the way to see Zach's other grandparents. I think I would have been okay, except for the fact that his grandpa came out as we were backing up and watched us leave. It was heartbreaking to me. We then went and saw his other grandparents (we would always go back and forth whenever we visited) and spent some time there. When we left there, I was surprised at how emotional Zach was. We had to stop at the bank on the way out and when we pulled up, I could tell how upset he was. He said that it was so hard to see them saying goodbye and that he could tell how upset his grandma was because she wouldn't even come outside. Ohhhhh my gosh, this broke my heart even more. I just said "You know what, then let's just not move. I don't want to go anymore." I really just could not stand to see him upset, and I could not imagine leaving his family. They had become so much like my own family to me.
Next we had our going away dinner with all of my/our friends in Fairfax. We went down a couple weeks before the move to say our goodbyes then and met with a bunch of people at the Outback Steakhouse. It was actually really nice to see a bunch of people there at one time and know that we had the ability to be able to say goodbye to all of them at one time. The dinner was all good fun, just a bunch of friends/new friends talking and having a good time. Ohhhh but once that first person said that they had to leave, all went downhill from there. It really was not all THAT bad saying goodbye to people, but I did have my hard moments. I think it was not that bad because it did not really feel like goodbye to me. I mean, there were certain moments where I would be talking to people and it would hit me like, "oh my gosh, I might not be seeing this person for another year." Now that thought was rough. But really, the fact that there were so many people and that after one person was another to say goodbye to, it made it a lot easier to not start bawling. By the time we were leaving, I was sad to think about the fact that I wouldn't be seeing people for a while, but really I think it was more about the fact that I did not want to lose touch with people and lose the connection that I have. It was hard enough to keep close relationships with people when I only lived an hour away by car, now to be 6 hours my plane... a little more intense.
At the end of the dinner, we went to my grandparent's house to say our final goodbyes to them which turned into a fiasco at the end because my grandma started to cry so much, but then my grandpa said, "Okay can we meet next weekend or something. I don't want to deal with this tonight." HAHAH... Of course we can wait a week! My grandma was definitely going to be the hardest person to say goodbye to, I knew that. So the following weekend we had ANOTHER goodbye weekend.
At this point it was the weekend before we were moving. We had a few friends come up to visit that weekend so that we could have the chance to hang out a little more, which was nice. Then we had the goodbye with my grandparents. They came up to meet us at the Cracker Barrel that was in Frederick, MD and I thought, oh my poor grandfather is going to have to deal with my grandmother crying for the whole hour-long drive that it would take them to get home. It was really nice to sit out in rocking chairs and hang out with them and then play the table game and just talk for a while. Saying goodbye was definitely easier than it would have been at my grandparents' house, but was no way near easy. I did not have to really see my grandma cry, which was nice. We had a quick goodbye, not a lingering, sappy one, but it still didn't change the impact it had one me. She has really been the number one person in my life since I moved to Virginia to live with my grandparent's. I have a feeling that everyone says this about their grandma, but I believe it the most about mine and would never trade her for the world.... She is the nicest, most kind-hearted person I have ever met in my life. I mean, all of my friends tell me the same thing, "Oh your grandma is so nice." "She is so sweet" etc. My goal in life is to be just like her: opening and generous to the people that come in to my life. She has been such an amazing role model to have in my life as I have grown up and I cannot imagine having it any other way. So, to leave the person who means the most to me in the entire world was the hardest thing I think I have ever done in my life. Even thinking about it now makes me cry.
Our final goodbyes came the days before we left. We said goodbye to Zach's brother's girlfriend the day before we were moving which was pretty hard because we had grown really close over the past half a year that we had known each other. Then the day that we left was hard, because we were actually leaving. The trailer was all packed, the car was all packed, and all we had to do was say goodbye... I knew how much Zach just wanted to say it and go because he did not want to linger on it and make it harder than it was. So we both went ahead and said goodbye and Zach's dad went right inside and his mom and brother sat on the steps. I looked back (big mistake) to see them both sitting there crying with his dad looking through the screen door as we drove away. Heartbreaking. But it was kind of funny though because we went to the gas station right down the street, only to have Zach's mom meet us there to give us some travel books that we had left!
All in all, it was a horrible thing to say goodbye, but when isn't it horrible to say goodbye? Especially knowing that it is not a "see you in a few weeks," but a see you in a year, hopefully. I would say that the goodbyes were the biggest challenge of leaving because it wasn't just saying goodbye to the people, it was saying goodbye to the memories, the experiences, the places, everything that we had ever known. That was what was scary and hard. We would be saying goodbye to everything that we had ever really known and stepping out into this new world and new experience where we knew a handful of people and just about nothing else.
Until next time,
xxox
The majoirty of Zach's family live in a small town in Pennsylvania, which we drove to quite a few times during the past year. In the middle/end of August, we all planned to get together for a sort-of family reunion so that everyone culd be together to say goodbye. It actually ended up being a really nice time, despite the fact that the day started out raining. We all met at this campground/lake sort of place where we made hot dogs and hamburgers and had a picnic. It rained on and off the whole time we were eating, and then finally stopped once we were done. A bunch of the family, mostly the kids, went down and started playing some volleyball and then eventually the rest of the family joined to go down by the lake and go kayaking. Afterwords we all went back up to our picnic area and sat and talked for a while and took pictures until it was time to leave. It was a pretty awesome dynamic to be able to be there with everyone and have such a great time. We said goodbye to the majority of the people there and then went on to visit Zach's grandparents. I think that they were actually the hardest people to say goodbye to, by far. We had spent the weekend with one of his grandparents and stayed up the whole night, both nights, just playing cards. When we left, I lost it and started crying on the way to see Zach's other grandparents. I think I would have been okay, except for the fact that his grandpa came out as we were backing up and watched us leave. It was heartbreaking to me. We then went and saw his other grandparents (we would always go back and forth whenever we visited) and spent some time there. When we left there, I was surprised at how emotional Zach was. We had to stop at the bank on the way out and when we pulled up, I could tell how upset he was. He said that it was so hard to see them saying goodbye and that he could tell how upset his grandma was because she wouldn't even come outside. Ohhhhh my gosh, this broke my heart even more. I just said "You know what, then let's just not move. I don't want to go anymore." I really just could not stand to see him upset, and I could not imagine leaving his family. They had become so much like my own family to me.
Next we had our going away dinner with all of my/our friends in Fairfax. We went down a couple weeks before the move to say our goodbyes then and met with a bunch of people at the Outback Steakhouse. It was actually really nice to see a bunch of people there at one time and know that we had the ability to be able to say goodbye to all of them at one time. The dinner was all good fun, just a bunch of friends/new friends talking and having a good time. Ohhhh but once that first person said that they had to leave, all went downhill from there. It really was not all THAT bad saying goodbye to people, but I did have my hard moments. I think it was not that bad because it did not really feel like goodbye to me. I mean, there were certain moments where I would be talking to people and it would hit me like, "oh my gosh, I might not be seeing this person for another year." Now that thought was rough. But really, the fact that there were so many people and that after one person was another to say goodbye to, it made it a lot easier to not start bawling. By the time we were leaving, I was sad to think about the fact that I wouldn't be seeing people for a while, but really I think it was more about the fact that I did not want to lose touch with people and lose the connection that I have. It was hard enough to keep close relationships with people when I only lived an hour away by car, now to be 6 hours my plane... a little more intense.
At the end of the dinner, we went to my grandparent's house to say our final goodbyes to them which turned into a fiasco at the end because my grandma started to cry so much, but then my grandpa said, "Okay can we meet next weekend or something. I don't want to deal with this tonight." HAHAH... Of course we can wait a week! My grandma was definitely going to be the hardest person to say goodbye to, I knew that. So the following weekend we had ANOTHER goodbye weekend.
At this point it was the weekend before we were moving. We had a few friends come up to visit that weekend so that we could have the chance to hang out a little more, which was nice. Then we had the goodbye with my grandparents. They came up to meet us at the Cracker Barrel that was in Frederick, MD and I thought, oh my poor grandfather is going to have to deal with my grandmother crying for the whole hour-long drive that it would take them to get home. It was really nice to sit out in rocking chairs and hang out with them and then play the table game and just talk for a while. Saying goodbye was definitely easier than it would have been at my grandparents' house, but was no way near easy. I did not have to really see my grandma cry, which was nice. We had a quick goodbye, not a lingering, sappy one, but it still didn't change the impact it had one me. She has really been the number one person in my life since I moved to Virginia to live with my grandparent's. I have a feeling that everyone says this about their grandma, but I believe it the most about mine and would never trade her for the world.... She is the nicest, most kind-hearted person I have ever met in my life. I mean, all of my friends tell me the same thing, "Oh your grandma is so nice." "She is so sweet" etc. My goal in life is to be just like her: opening and generous to the people that come in to my life. She has been such an amazing role model to have in my life as I have grown up and I cannot imagine having it any other way. So, to leave the person who means the most to me in the entire world was the hardest thing I think I have ever done in my life. Even thinking about it now makes me cry.
Our final goodbyes came the days before we left. We said goodbye to Zach's brother's girlfriend the day before we were moving which was pretty hard because we had grown really close over the past half a year that we had known each other. Then the day that we left was hard, because we were actually leaving. The trailer was all packed, the car was all packed, and all we had to do was say goodbye... I knew how much Zach just wanted to say it and go because he did not want to linger on it and make it harder than it was. So we both went ahead and said goodbye and Zach's dad went right inside and his mom and brother sat on the steps. I looked back (big mistake) to see them both sitting there crying with his dad looking through the screen door as we drove away. Heartbreaking. But it was kind of funny though because we went to the gas station right down the street, only to have Zach's mom meet us there to give us some travel books that we had left!
All in all, it was a horrible thing to say goodbye, but when isn't it horrible to say goodbye? Especially knowing that it is not a "see you in a few weeks," but a see you in a year, hopefully. I would say that the goodbyes were the biggest challenge of leaving because it wasn't just saying goodbye to the people, it was saying goodbye to the memories, the experiences, the places, everything that we had ever known. That was what was scary and hard. We would be saying goodbye to everything that we had ever really known and stepping out into this new world and new experience where we knew a handful of people and just about nothing else.
Until next time,
xxox
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
mixed feelings.
The last month before we left, the whole trip made me very anxious. All of a sudden I started thinking, "This is not what I want. This does not feel right." I started questioning moving at all, wondering if it was something that I would regret. I knew that I wanted to be there for my family, but it felt like home to be where I was already. I felt like I couldn't really say much about it to Zach because he never said anything negative about the move; he was so excited. And part of me felt like I could not tell anyone else the way I was feeling because everyone expected for me to go, so to say that I was questioning it, I felt like I would be letting people down. I really just felt so guilty.
I didn't tell many people that I felt this way, only a select few, starting with one and then slowly telling a few more. The woman that I was working for at the time was the one person I really told everything to about the way I was feeling. She had been through a move that took her halfway across the country from her family, so she kind of knew what I was going through. She kept telling me that it was a normal feeling to have,that sometimes you just get scared even though you know that you are doing something that you want. I guess it is kind of like getting cold feet. Other people that I told generally told me the same thing- "Oh you're fine, you know that it is something you have always wanted to do," "You're just scared, you know that you will love it once you are out there," "You can't be scared to go, this has always been your dream," "You would just regret it if you didn't do it." Eventually Zach and I talked about it and I tried to get on the same level of excitement as he had and tried to just remember what everyone was saying. But honestly, my reservations about it never completely went away.
Part of me wanted to just say, "Yeah okay, I guess your right" but then the other part of me said to trust my own feelings and not what everyone else believed I was feeling. I tried to just go with the flow and just make the best out of everything. I figured they must be right, it must be cold feet, and I will be happy once it came. I mean after all they were right about the fact that I had been talking about doing this ever since I was in high school, if not before.
So as the time got closer I felt excited, nervous, sad, anxious, and just about every other feeling that you could imagine or think of. I was excited that Zach and I would be going on this amazing adventure together, but I was sad to leave all that I had ever really known. All of my friends, the area, my grandparents, Zach's family; It was all a lot to think about leaving. On the other hand, I got to think about living right by the beach, seeing my siblings grow up, not having to worry about freezing my butt off in January and having to scrape snow off of my car.
Needless to say, I was overwhelmed with different emotions. When it actually came time for the move, however, I was extremely excited. I was past the point of missing people and focusing on the true adventure I was about to experience. I started to get most excited the last two or three days before the move when it came to packing the trailer and the car up because then it was completely real to me. I focused on the good things that we were about to go through and chose to let the things that would sadden me go.
Until next time,
xxox
I didn't tell many people that I felt this way, only a select few, starting with one and then slowly telling a few more. The woman that I was working for at the time was the one person I really told everything to about the way I was feeling. She had been through a move that took her halfway across the country from her family, so she kind of knew what I was going through. She kept telling me that it was a normal feeling to have,that sometimes you just get scared even though you know that you are doing something that you want. I guess it is kind of like getting cold feet. Other people that I told generally told me the same thing- "Oh you're fine, you know that it is something you have always wanted to do," "You're just scared, you know that you will love it once you are out there," "You can't be scared to go, this has always been your dream," "You would just regret it if you didn't do it." Eventually Zach and I talked about it and I tried to get on the same level of excitement as he had and tried to just remember what everyone was saying. But honestly, my reservations about it never completely went away.
Part of me wanted to just say, "Yeah okay, I guess your right" but then the other part of me said to trust my own feelings and not what everyone else believed I was feeling. I tried to just go with the flow and just make the best out of everything. I figured they must be right, it must be cold feet, and I will be happy once it came. I mean after all they were right about the fact that I had been talking about doing this ever since I was in high school, if not before.
So as the time got closer I felt excited, nervous, sad, anxious, and just about every other feeling that you could imagine or think of. I was excited that Zach and I would be going on this amazing adventure together, but I was sad to leave all that I had ever really known. All of my friends, the area, my grandparents, Zach's family; It was all a lot to think about leaving. On the other hand, I got to think about living right by the beach, seeing my siblings grow up, not having to worry about freezing my butt off in January and having to scrape snow off of my car.
Needless to say, I was overwhelmed with different emotions. When it actually came time for the move, however, I was extremely excited. I was past the point of missing people and focusing on the true adventure I was about to experience. I started to get most excited the last two or three days before the move when it came to packing the trailer and the car up because then it was completely real to me. I focused on the good things that we were about to go through and chose to let the things that would sadden me go.
Until next time,
xxox
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
the build-up.
I had never really thought of the idea of starting a blog about our move until recently, and I started kicking myself for not having done it! But then I thought, well, what the hell, better late than never, right? So I guess what I am going to do is start at the beginning and kind of blog as though I was doing it as thing were happening.
I suppose the beginning really would have been when we decided when we were actually going to move. Of course, whoever knows me knows that I decided to go a long long time ago, but our plan was obviously more recent. Zach had decided that he wanted to move to California pretty much as soon as we had visited back in August 2010, and originally the plan was to wait around a year and a half and move in March 2012. By the end of 2010 we had decided that we wanted to move the date up a little bit, to sometime around the end of 2011, maybe October. Then, a couple of months into 2011 I think we were just starting to get really anxious about it because Zach was always saying "Let's move now. I want to move now. I'm ready." I was always a little more hesitant, thinking about it in terms of how hard it would be and saving money. After a while, however, I gave in and said, " Okay, let's just pick and date and that will be that" And so the last week of August it was.
As soon as we decided the date, there was nothing else on my mind but to save save save so that we would have enough money to make the big move! I am a big, big, big planner, so I was constantly looking for tips other people had about traveling, calculating the costs of gas, hotels, food, the uhaul, etc, researching different travel methods and routes, and anything else you can think of when it comes to a move... but not just any move, a cross-country move! All of the planning is what really made it all seem real. We ended up booking the uhaul months in advance and then started slowly buying all of the other things we needed up until the days before we left (a hitch, new tires, a cooler, food and booking our hotel rooms for the week).
I think my favorite part of the whole planning process was the route-planning. (I seriously ended up doing it on mapquest, having AAA map it out for us, and highlighting it on maps. And what a waste of time, because all we really used was Zach's phone and mapquest. Better safe then sorry?) But it was a lot more complicated than just entering in a starting address and a destination. First we found the actual route we would be taking and then had to figure out how long we would be driving each day. For the most part, this revolved around us being able to stop in Las Vegas for a night because Zach had never been before. It ended up being about 11 hours to Mt. Vernon, Illinois, 10 hours from Mt. Vernon to Elk City, Oklahoma, 13 hours from Elk City to Kingman, Arizona, 4 hours from Kingman to Las Vegas, and 6 hours from Las Vegas to San Diego! I planned the time around roadside attractions we would stop to see too, so the longer days we wouldn't be seeing much and the short days we would see more. This was pretty much planned out a good two months before we were gonna go.
This was also around the time that I started looking for a job. Zach didn't really think he would have too much trouble finding a job, but being the worry-wart that I am, I was freaking outttt! So I probably applied in advance to a good 50 nannying advertisements in the couple months before we moved, hoping to have interviews set up when we got there and a job within a few weeks. (HA!!!) Also in the two months before we moved I was so uber anxious to pack. I wanted to pack everything except the basics, just because I was so excited! Besides being a planner, I am also very impatient. As soon as I decide I am going to do something, no matter how far away it may be, I start thinking about it and planning it out just because I can't wait. The thing that sucks about that is, although I get everything organized quickly and well in advance... when it gets closer I have nothing left to do or plan! wah! So since Zach worked for a moving company at the time,he was able to get us a crap-ton of boxes and, ohhhhhhh boy, did I go to work on it. I tried to space myself out and was packing slowly, but of course I ended up packing everything that I could and was always just anxious to do more. We ended up having a stack of boxes in my room for a good month before we were even ready to go. I even tried to pack up everything of mine besides the clothes that I would need a good few weeks before we were leaving. At this point, looking at all of our boxes before Zach had even packed his, I was just scared that we had way too much crap to fit in the uhaul. (They look so tiny from the outside!)
As time eventually crept up on us we started moving boxes downstairs a weekend or so before the move. That was when it really hit everyone, I think. Zach packed up the trailer when I was at work the weekend before the move, and to my surprise everything fit with room to spare! So then we ended up packing a bunch of stuff that we didn't even plan on taking. We had the car pretty loaded all week, stuffed to the brim. Uhaul filled, check. Trunk filled, check. Backseat filled, double check: cooler, two suitcases, three bags of food, laptops... Lord only knows how we even handled trying to even find stuff back there.
until next time,
xxox
I suppose the beginning really would have been when we decided when we were actually going to move. Of course, whoever knows me knows that I decided to go a long long time ago, but our plan was obviously more recent. Zach had decided that he wanted to move to California pretty much as soon as we had visited back in August 2010, and originally the plan was to wait around a year and a half and move in March 2012. By the end of 2010 we had decided that we wanted to move the date up a little bit, to sometime around the end of 2011, maybe October. Then, a couple of months into 2011 I think we were just starting to get really anxious about it because Zach was always saying "Let's move now. I want to move now. I'm ready." I was always a little more hesitant, thinking about it in terms of how hard it would be and saving money. After a while, however, I gave in and said, " Okay, let's just pick and date and that will be that" And so the last week of August it was.
As soon as we decided the date, there was nothing else on my mind but to save save save so that we would have enough money to make the big move! I am a big, big, big planner, so I was constantly looking for tips other people had about traveling, calculating the costs of gas, hotels, food, the uhaul, etc, researching different travel methods and routes, and anything else you can think of when it comes to a move... but not just any move, a cross-country move! All of the planning is what really made it all seem real. We ended up booking the uhaul months in advance and then started slowly buying all of the other things we needed up until the days before we left (a hitch, new tires, a cooler, food and booking our hotel rooms for the week).
I think my favorite part of the whole planning process was the route-planning. (I seriously ended up doing it on mapquest, having AAA map it out for us, and highlighting it on maps. And what a waste of time, because all we really used was Zach's phone and mapquest. Better safe then sorry?) But it was a lot more complicated than just entering in a starting address and a destination. First we found the actual route we would be taking and then had to figure out how long we would be driving each day. For the most part, this revolved around us being able to stop in Las Vegas for a night because Zach had never been before. It ended up being about 11 hours to Mt. Vernon, Illinois, 10 hours from Mt. Vernon to Elk City, Oklahoma, 13 hours from Elk City to Kingman, Arizona, 4 hours from Kingman to Las Vegas, and 6 hours from Las Vegas to San Diego! I planned the time around roadside attractions we would stop to see too, so the longer days we wouldn't be seeing much and the short days we would see more. This was pretty much planned out a good two months before we were gonna go.
This was also around the time that I started looking for a job. Zach didn't really think he would have too much trouble finding a job, but being the worry-wart that I am, I was freaking outttt! So I probably applied in advance to a good 50 nannying advertisements in the couple months before we moved, hoping to have interviews set up when we got there and a job within a few weeks. (HA!!!) Also in the two months before we moved I was so uber anxious to pack. I wanted to pack everything except the basics, just because I was so excited! Besides being a planner, I am also very impatient. As soon as I decide I am going to do something, no matter how far away it may be, I start thinking about it and planning it out just because I can't wait. The thing that sucks about that is, although I get everything organized quickly and well in advance... when it gets closer I have nothing left to do or plan! wah! So since Zach worked for a moving company at the time,he was able to get us a crap-ton of boxes and, ohhhhhhh boy, did I go to work on it. I tried to space myself out and was packing slowly, but of course I ended up packing everything that I could and was always just anxious to do more. We ended up having a stack of boxes in my room for a good month before we were even ready to go. I even tried to pack up everything of mine besides the clothes that I would need a good few weeks before we were leaving. At this point, looking at all of our boxes before Zach had even packed his, I was just scared that we had way too much crap to fit in the uhaul. (They look so tiny from the outside!)
As time eventually crept up on us we started moving boxes downstairs a weekend or so before the move. That was when it really hit everyone, I think. Zach packed up the trailer when I was at work the weekend before the move, and to my surprise everything fit with room to spare! So then we ended up packing a bunch of stuff that we didn't even plan on taking. We had the car pretty loaded all week, stuffed to the brim. Uhaul filled, check. Trunk filled, check. Backseat filled, double check: cooler, two suitcases, three bags of food, laptops... Lord only knows how we even handled trying to even find stuff back there.
until next time,
xxox
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